it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
