The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
