Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
