oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
They took my balls.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
