Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
