Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize