If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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