so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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