It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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