Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
