hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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