There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
