I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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