piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
