This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize