Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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