where am i from again
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
