my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
