Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
