there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
