I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
