Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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