whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
