I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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