Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
