He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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