At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
