He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
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