I'm passing your future prison.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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