I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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