Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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