i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
