genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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