id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
