Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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