I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
