I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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