He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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