I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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