You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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