i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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