I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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