yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
