so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
