no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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