i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
