Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize