mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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