She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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