In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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