Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
