I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
