pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize