I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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