Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
