I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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