I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
