he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
