I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
