Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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