I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
