When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
