so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
