Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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