Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
