bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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